Good evening, Dear Reader. I’m writing this one in a rush, so please excuse whatever lapse in prose is about to come your way. (Lapse in prose? Lapse in judgment? Poor judgment? Poor prose…)

I come to you back aching and eyes tired after a long day of nonstop movement. People who know me well will tell you that my go-to expression for this is “like a chicken running around with my head chopped off.” Much of the energy I’ve been expending these days has been of the good sort–I love my classes this quarter, for example–but it’s all been energy nonetheless.

And to be honest, not all of it has been particularly fabulous. Senior year has been different than I expected. I had very high hopes for this year that were derailed pretty early on in Fall Quarter. It’s okay–things happen. But the train has still not clicked back onto the track yet. Chugga chugga, chugga chugga, spurt, clash, pffft.

I’m finding myself at a similar crossroads to the one I found myself in the middle of my sophomore year. I can either A. Continue to mope around–woe is me–complaining about the state of affairs and waiting for someone to swoop in and make it all better, or B. Sit straight like a freaking grown up and make whatever necessary changes to make life better for myself. Easier said than done, of course, but what isn’t?

I sound very confident now because today was one of my good days. Tomorrow might not be as good, and I might write something more angsty, like the first version of this blog post or the free write I pen-vomited onto my journal in English class today. (“Everyone take ten minutes and write about one of your obsessions.” Dear God.)

But alas. A good day it was. Relatively speaking.

I think part of this whole growing up thing is about realizing the difference between things you can’t do and things you absolutely can do. For example, I can’t pick up a train and pop it back onto the train track. My arms aren’t big enough. Or my legs. But I absolutely can choose to walk away from the exploding train cars. Maybe duck and hide behind a boulder or something. Stressing our butts off about the things we have absolutely no control over and clamoring about for alternate universes in which things had gone differently is so damn futile. Similarly, acting like there’s nothing we can do to help the situation is silly and will only slow our own healing process. Or in the train case, expedite the injury process.

Okay, so what the hell am I saying.

I’m going to be taking some steps that I think will help me adjust better to the demands of my Senior year. One of those steps is putting a hold on producing weekly episodes of Cath in College: Senior YearI will still post episodes of the show every once in a while, but they might not be on Wednesdays and they will almost certainly be less frequent. Similarly, the episodes themselves may start to look a little different. This will be a result of the fact that the show–as suggested by its title–is meant to reflect the truth of my final year here at Stanford, and so as the year changes, so too must the show.

Q&A? Sure.

Q: Are you good?

A: Yes! Thank you for asking, which many of you have. I’m a grown lady who can adapt to her surroundings and take steps to ensure her wellbeing. Life is like a rollercoaster sometimes, especially as you get older. (Look at me, a nostalgic 21-year-old. I irk myself.) This is just me adapting.

Q: When will Senior Year be back?

A: Not sure! As soon as I want to again and as soon as I figure out a way to make it feel good to make again. At the very very latest, you will hear from me at graduation. I’m not dying.

Q: Will you be active on your other channels/producing other videos?

A: Absolutely! Team CiC and I will be hard at work building on all the other parts of the CiC universe, including this blog, the CiC app, the CiC Instagram, and the CiC Patreon. We’ll still be doing our monthly livestreams/giveaways, and we’re even going to be rolling out some exciting NEW projects. (CiC scholarship, anyone?)

Q: If you could only drink Philz or Dunkin Donuts for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?

A: I plead the fifth.


So fret not, DR. I’m not dying, I assure you that. I appreciate you and your heartfelt support of this little corner of the Internet more than I feel I can possibly express. I promise to be around and active–I’ve made that promise now to you and to my team, who I love so dearly. (Have you met them yet? Please meet them. They’re right here.)

Hugs and Coffee,

Written by Catherine Goetze

Catherine Goetze www.cathincollege.com Find me on social media! Facebook: www.facebook.com/cathincollege Twitter: @catherinegoetze Instagram: @catherinegoetze SnapChat: @catherinegoetze Contact me: cathincollege@gmail.com

2 comments

  1. This is going to be the best advice, and reply, you will receive from anyone here in a long, long time, so I hope you take it to heart.

    I have watched your rise from a snarky, brainy, attractive and overconfident woman into something far more for years now. And while I may be close to double your age, I have also seen your writing and thoughts turn a corner.

    I get it. When I was your age, I, too, wanted to change the world on a daily basis. My mind would always race, nonstop. I had dreams that started to come true at a very young age. It made me, much like you, feel like the world was at the tip of my fingers, to the point it seemed to even turn some people off toward me.

    When I was younger, we only had about five channels on TV. And that TV went off the air for two or three hours if you stayed up too late. Sure, there were problems. But they seemed like simple ones. Now, we are plugged in 24-7, and all it takes is one peek at literally almost any facebook comments section to see everyone is mad as hell, drunk, on pills, high, dissatisfied within at their own lives, and on, and on and on.

    America doesn’t realize it, but we are all brainwashing ourselves. I have no idea where that will lead us. It is the double-edged sword we bear these days. And to kids, and younger adults, it must be scary as hell at times.

    But I am going to tell you something I say with confidence. It will be ok.

    It may not seem like it, every time you hear Donald Trump spout some dumb shit on Twitter. Or when you see headlines about how many people were shot today, or how we are doing against ISIS, or even when it comes to the world caring more about what Kim Kardashian thinks than they do about their child sitting in the room next to them.

    We live in a time where advertising is on everything. We live in an era where half of families are divorced. Depressed yet? Don’t be.

    We also live in a time where we need heroes like you more than ever. I cannot begin to imagine the burden being a student at Stanford, or the pressure that must make you feel. But don’t let it overwhelm you. You are months away from receiving a degree that will let you do, literally, almost anything you could ever dream of with your life. Always count your blessings.

    My folks had money saved for my college education. Then, one day, a sibling decided he wanted to destroy his life with drugs to cope with childhood trauma, and poof, there went my entire future college savings just to save his life. But that family member is still alive and well as a result.

    I could have sat and moped, and been depressed, like you describe above. Currently, I am about to begin writing my first novel, and even though I know once I do, it will be a home run, I can’t dredge up the mental energy to even start typing it. Ironic, no?

    So heed this advice, dear Catherine. Do what you will with your life, but when you decide what that is, do it because it is something you are passionate about. Not just for money. Because I assure you, if you take that path, it will reward you in ways you never imagined. Don’t be a soulless robot who is a yes sir, no sir person, or a woman who climbs the corporate ladder just to grab a hefty paycheck.

    The world doesn’t need that right now.

    All day long, at home and in my job, I sit at a computer watching literally everyone whine about how bad things are. Yet those same people who spend hours weekly bitching about it can’t be bothered to attend a school board meeting, write their congresspeople, volunteer, or do a damn thing to actually affect real, tangible, physical change.

    I drive down the roads and all I see are people texting. Living in their safe shells, because those digital shells make them feel like their opinion matters, when, ironically, their message is just a drop in a bucket full of a million gallons of water.

    Don’t let that discourage you. You have beaten the hard part. You have engaged a diverse set of followers who you inspire, and much like my job, that gives me daily satisfaction, knowing I am doing little things to help better the lives of others.

    You see, the thing you forget in your self-loathing is this.

    You still have control over all of it. Every last bit, every single day when you wake up. Christ, I sound like I am writing a self-help book here, so I will wrap it up.

    Follow your dreams while you can. Don’t let a goddamn thing discourage you. Take time for yourself. Middle age will arrive faster that you think, and one day, you will look back at it all and wish you were stuck there in a dorm, or wherever you are in California, and actually miss all this stress. I promise you.

    Now go do something Earth-shattering that makes you happy. And don’t let a damn thing deter you from that, now, or ever, no matter what anyone else thinks of it or you. If someone doubts you, fuck them. If you feel sad, know that it will pass. Take time to go outside and breathe. Let the sun hit your face. If you see a donut calling your name, eat the frigging thing.

    Or, go pop in the movie “Dead Poets Society,” and let it inspire you, or re-inspire you, in ways you had forgotten were deep within you.

    But most of all, don’t be a sheep. Be a fucking wolf. Or a herder of those sheep, if that suits you better. And when you get time, be it now, or in six months, come back to this post and let it inspire you. The sky isn’t falling. The world isn’t going to end. I promise you.

    And be sure to drop me a note back here some day, because of how one day, at 3 in the morning, some stranger you never knew existed took time to stop on your page and write all this crap because that person saw something unique in you that you forgot briefly you still had inside of you.

    God bless,

    -T

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Glad to know you’re doing better. In the end is another beginning and I’m sure you’re finding out as you adapt to the changing world around you that just as your life gets harder, it gets easier in other aspects of your life. Sending good vibes your way.

    Like

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