It’s time to settle this.
Explicit language ahead. Critical debates merit critical language.
Dunkin’ Donuts is better than Starbucks in literally every domain. If you know anything about coffee you already know this to be true. But for some odd reason there are STILL PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO PREFER STARSH*TS TO THE DOUBLE D. I am here to inform those very people of reality, that DD > SB every single time.
Dunkin’ Donuts, straight up, has better coffee.
Contrary to what you may currently believe, DD beverages are far more customizable than Starbucks beverages, thus resulting in a never ending variety of delicious drinkable treats for you and your tastebuds to enjoy.
Starbucks is absolutely, positively, indisputably OUTRAGEOUSLY overpriced.
Starbucks Grande coffee: $2.10
DD Medium coffee: $1.79
It gets more expensive when you start adding flavor at Starbucks.
Starbucks Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte: $4.45
DD Large Vanilla Latte Lite: $3.49
In the summertime, any size iced coffee or iced tea from 3-6 PM is only $0.99. It’s the best deal in the world.
Starbucks Venti Iced Coffee: $2.95
DD Large Iced Coffee (summertime): $0.99
DD Large Iced Coffee (non-summertime): $2.69
Starbucks is NOT the only coffee franchise with cold blended drinks.
Starbucks Small Caramel Frappuccino: $3.75
DD Small Caramel Frozen Coffee: $2.99
Everything on the Starbucks menu has a BETTER Dunkin’ Donuts equivalent. The converse is not always true.
DD Medium Dunkaccino (half coffee, half hot chocolate, all YAASSS): $1.99
Starbucks Dunkaccino equivalent: OOPS NOPE SORRY DOESN’T EXIST
DD Small Cappuccino Blast (Frozen coffee mixed with a scoop of ANY flavor ice cream from Baskin Robbins): $3.99
Starbucks equivalent: Error 404: Delicious blend of ice cream and coffee not found.
DD Blueberry flavor: $0.00
Starbucks Blueberry flavor: No, we don’t have that.
DD Coconut flavor: $0.00
Starbucks Coconut flavor: Nope.
DD Hazelnut flavor: $0.00
Starbucks Hazelnut flavor: I’m sorry, I don’t think we can do that…
DD Raspberry flavor: $0.00
Starbucks Raspberry flavor: No, sorry, that’s just a Dunkin’ Donuts thing.
DD Mint chocolate chip flavor: $0.00
Starbucks Mint chocolate chip flavor: I can throw some mints in the blender if you have some???
DD Butter pecan flavor: $0.00
Starbucks Butter pecan flavor: I’M SORRY WE CAN’T DO THAT WE ARE DEEPLY INFERIOR TO DUNKIN’ DONUTS PLEASE FORGIVE US.
Want to talk food?
DD Munchkins: $5.99 for 25 pieces
Starbucks Cake pop: $43.75 FOR 25 PIECES. Plus all the time you’d have to wait around for them to make them all.
DD 2 Lemonade donuts: $3.29
Starbucks 2 slices of Iced Lemon Pound cake: $4.90
To put it in perspective, if you buy one medium cup of coffee every work day for an entire year, you could save $80.60 annually by switching to DD.
Starbucks makes you add your own milk and sugar. WHAT THE F*CK.
Yup. If you order a coffee at Starbucks and ask for cream and sugar, the server will politely direct you towards a small table with pitchers of milk and cream, as well as packets of sugar, cinnamon, chocolate powder and nutmeg. While they’re at it, maybe they should just put the coffee maker there too with some whipped cream and chocolate syrup and we can just make the whole damn thing ourselves?
SURPRISE! You think that iconic white cup with the circular green emblem makes you look chic. It doesn’t. Carrying that cup alone makes you look like a stereotypical basic b*tch.
Customer Service at DD beats whatever the hell Starbucks employees are doing.
For some reason, Starbucks servers have some odd sense of superiority over everybody else, including their customers. I don’t mean to generalize, but in nearly every interaction I’ve had with a “barista”, they give off a vibe that generally correlates with: “You think you’re so cool drinking Starbucks. But look at ME. I WORK here. I’m cooler than cool. I’m ice cold. I’m like the tundra, b*tch.”
They have an entitled sense about them that makes them all nauseating to tolerate. They’re cold, unfriendly, stiff, and entirely too bitchy. They also are like robots that are not capable of processing human speech if the input doesn’t directly correlate with a menu item. I once entered a Starbucks (I had a gift card,) wrongfully assumed that “coffee” would be a menu item at the restaurant, and had the following experience:
In the United States, approximately 1 in every 3 Dunkin’ Donuts has a Baskin Robbins built right into the establishment. That’s compared to Starbucks, which has a whopping zero.
You know what goes great with coffee? Ice cream. You know what Starbucks doesn’t have? Ice cream.
Donuts+Bagles+Muffins+Breakfast IN ADDITION TO THE ALREADY AMAZING COFFEE.
This one just speaks for itself. Every Dunkin’ has a WALL of donuts, muffins, and bagels of all flavors to chose from, whereas Starbucks usually has one measly glass panel behind which lie tiny bagels that feel a lot like rubber and pre-packaged lunches kind of like the ones your mom used to make you in elementary school but without all the love. If you want anything actually warm, you have to ask the barista to stick it in the microwave for you. At DD, they serve you their hot foods, wait for it… hot.
And Starbucks can promote this image of freshness and wellness all they want, but I know I’d rather get a hot sausage, egg and cheese sandwich served with hash browns that I can SEE the server directly put in and retrieve from the toaster oven than a plastic box of cheese and grapes whose label is designed to trigger subconscious receptors in your brain and make you think it is good for you when in reality THE FOOD INSIDE HAS PROBABLY NEVER MADE CONTACT WITH A HUMAN BEFORE. *deeeeep inhale*
I hope I have successfully dispelled all remaining rumors that Dunkin’ Donuts is anything but overwhelmingly superior to Starbucks in taste, value, variety, and the overall customer experience. If anybody would like to challenge my correct opinion, I would be happy to take you down in an effort to defend the Double D or die trying.
Qué Dios les bendiga.